i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
