well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize