I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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