If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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