Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
