so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Houston, we have a blender
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
