Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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