There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
try to milk me bitch
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
