is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
