come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
