I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
