my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
