you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
