She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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