Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
