I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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