you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
