I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you win again, gameday.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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