dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
