well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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