so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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