hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
