you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize