This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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