I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
