i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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