look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
