She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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