he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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