FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
