Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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