Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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