first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
