You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
