Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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