i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
