You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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