I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
