I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
