Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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