Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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