pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
