Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
