So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
