i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
