Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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