a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
