I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
