but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
