Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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