My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
