weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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