Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize