3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
cat food counts as protein by the way
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
