just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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