I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
