I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
