Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
