U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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