Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
This toilet bowl is my home.
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