You can't motorboat a personality
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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