He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
