I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
