he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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