No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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