I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
