im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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