i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
