so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
