I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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