Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize