Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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