I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
