So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize